


(I Don't Like Holding On) I Can't Let Go

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: YoI Ships Bingo [24]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: F/M, Unhappy Ending, divorce fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 18:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12090780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Yakov gets home from Sochi.  Lilia is gone - in more ways than one.





	(I Don't Like Holding On) I Can't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Written for YoI Ship Bingo  
> Square: Yakov/Lilia
> 
> [Prompt:](https://hellsdemonictrinity.tumblr.com/post/162834261565/angstfluff-prompt-list-part-2) 7\. “How could you do this?”

Denial is a powerful thing. Yakov had lived with it for years. The only problem was that in order to live with denial, he had to layer more denial on top of it that there was anything to be in denial about. It was a neverending cycle, and it was exhausting.

At first, it was easy. Little things. Lilia making comments about all the hours he spent at the rink, even in the off-season. He didn’t understand those – she spent just as long at her studio, and was less likely to shut things down early if Yakov asked than Yakov was to shut down early if Lilia asked. She didn’t travel as far as he did, but she was away from home more often, on scouting runs or training camps or taking students to auditions or competitions.

Lately, it had gotten even worse. Lilia had started spending even more time at the studio, taking on more students and getting home much later. Lilia was always exhausted when she got home, too tired to do anything with Yakov. They didn’t need the money. Why wear herself out instead of cutting back?

When she did have a day off, or a short day that let her get home, she was still always tired, or suffering a headache, or busy with paperwork or videos. Yakov was guilty of that last one as well, but he did his best to make sure Lilia knew that he would put it aside for her. She never tried.

Yakov understood being focused on her career. He was focused on his, too. He tried to make that a focus rather than an obsession, not letting it come at the cost of neglecting Lilia. There had been times he’d had to be away from home when she wanted him there, but he was there for the birth of their daughter despite the fact that he was supposed to be in Chelyabinsk helping with a training camp for gifted youth. He missed a Junior Grand Prix event, leaving a skater in the hands of an assistant, to be there to say goodbye when Avrora left for intensive ballet training. He’d even questioned the need for it – why was Lilia not good enough? He called on birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays if he couldn’t be home with her. He even did his best to include her in his career, encouraging his skaters to commission her to do their choreography, which meant that she could come with him to competitions.

Denial is a powerful thing. He probably should have seen it coming, but he didn’t. He got home from taking Viktor to win a fifth consecutive gold medal at the Grand Prix Finals to find Lilia gone. That wasn’t unusual, necessarily. The stack of papers on the table with the folded note with his name on it? That was.

_Yakov_  
_I need to get out, Yakov. This isn’t working anymore. This is divorce paperwork. I’ve gone to Japan to visit a friend. I’ll be back in a month. When I get back, unless you’re going to fight me for the house, I want you out._  
_Please don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be. We had a good thing once upon a time, but it hasn’t been good in a very long time now. I’m sorry._  
_Lilia_

Yakov’s hands shook as he looked through the paperwork. Everything was in order. The proposed division of assets was, if anything, in his favor. Lilia wasn’t asking for alimony. There was no way this was a whim or a cry for attention. She’d put too much work into this for it to be anything but what it looked like – their marriage was over, and he could either fight it and make things bitter, or let her go.

It was useless, but he had to try. He called Lilia.

To his surprise, Lilia answered. “Yakov, there’s nothing to talk about.”

“How could you do this? Why didn’t you talk to me before things got so bad that you felt like this was the best option?”

Lilia sighed. “I tried, Yakov. Any time we were both home, I’d start working up to the conversation. And then, you’d change the subject unexpectedly, or Viktor would call with another of his emergencies, or something else would come up. I need to do this, Yakov. You won’t be able to talk me out of it.”

“I know. I have to try, though. Why?”

“I can’t take the loneliness anymore. Better to truly be alone than to feel alone when I’m not. I’m sorry it had to be like this, but I’ve been trying to do this in person for months, and it never works. Have your lawyers look through the paperwork, and we can talk about how we’re dividing things up, but other than that… let me go.”

Yakov couldn’t promise that, but he couldn’t go that blatantly against Lilia’s wishes either. So he just hung up. Denial was powerful, but not infinitely so. He’d move out, give Lilia her time alone, and just hold out hope that once she was out she’d realize she missed him and take him back.

**Author's Note:**

> In Sochi, Yakov [is wearing a ring that looks like a wedding ring](http://68.media.tumblr.com/f28275479ece7a493c7a8fbbebd765b7/tumblr_inline_omx0olpwH31uxx8rh_540.png). While it's entirely possible that he was just wearing it and they had divorced already, when we see him trying to stop Viktor from going to Japan, he is *not* wearing the ring.


End file.
